- Father Ted creator Graham Linehan embroiled in row with transgender lawyer
- Activist Stephanie Hayden allegedly tweets his wife’s personal details online
- TV show writer calls self-described ‘social democrat’ Hayden ‘a dangerous troll’
- Linehan reported to the police for ‘transphobic harrasment’ after allegedly sharing a post online containing her alliases
“RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they’ve launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir, it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.”
50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners:
“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”
“I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.”
“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”
“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’”
“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’”
“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”
“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’”
“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’”
“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”
“I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.”
“Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”
“I once did a gig in a zoo. I got babooned off.”
“Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?’”
“I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.’”
“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
“Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”
“Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?’”
“Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.”
You’ve Crossed the Line:
I wanted to gather as many offensive jokes and bits that I can find to see if I can make a collection.
Meanwhile, US comedian Sarah Silverman has joked about rape in a way that is more obviously satirical:
Needless to say, rape, the most heinous crime imaginable. Seems it’s a comic’s dream, though. Because it seems that when you do rape jokes that, like the material is so dangerous and edgy. But the truth is it’s like the safest area to talk about in comedy. That’s the trick. Cause who’s going to complain about a rape joke? Rape victims? They don’t even report rape. I mean, they’re just traditionally not complainers.
Silverman directs her joke at male comedians who tell rape jokes. She juxtaposes a rhetoric of edgy taboo breaking with a reality of victims to critique male comedians who use rape in their comedy. Indeed, she highlights a hypocritical culture which simultaneously refer to rape as a serious crime, while also laughing at rape jokes.
15. What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
17. How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
20. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File.
24. I added Paul walker on Xbox…
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
26. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
44. Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.
46. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
35. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.